THE thing about retaining the league is it’s a bit like winning a pie-eating competition, only to be told the prize is more pies. And let’s be honest, we ate a shit load of pies last season, way more than we needed to. The Spanish Pie Head in second place just kept...
SEE Arsenal brought back that weird Doom Metal font? I’m not saying that Arteta and his big lego head read my match ratings on Monday but someone’s tipped him off. Fucking snide that. I might have to start putting these behind a paywall. Or stop talking about fonts...
ONCE I saw they’d stopped using that Doom Metal font on the back of their shirts I knew we’d win. In the Charity Shield, I couldn’t work out if BELLERIN, KOLASINAC AND AUBAMEYANG were Arsenal players or next year’s headliners at Download. And anyone who’s been around...
I HAD a blind date in Lincoln once, with a woman from Branston. We met in the cathedral, had a quick look for the Imp, found him, and then walked up a hill so steep that it was litetally called Steep Hill. We then caught our breath, had a drink and got to know each...
IN April 2010, the playwright Alan Bennett wrote… “The open mouth of Chelsea’s Frank Lampard, having scored a goal, is also the howl on the face of the damned man in Michelangelo’s Last Judgement.” As you can see below, he had a point. So who’s this...
I USED to have a ritual on the first day of the season. Get down the Wimpy Bar early doors, have a big pre-season meal and then hate Leeds United for the next nine months. But then I moved somewhere that didn’t have a Wimpy and Leeds kept getting relegated. If truth...
HONESTLY, I’m struggling to type here. Been laying on a floor all day, I’m like a dog trying to look at the sky. Absolute Gladstone Small neck. Fingers are like big sausages. Fucking Richmond hands. Splatting away on about four keys at a time. Bank holiday weekends...
LAST game of the year. What a year. Probably not as good as next year. That’s mad. Up the fucking Reds. Alisson: 7 Absolutely nothing to do, 20 seconds in aside. To be fair to him, he was still probably putting his towel and water bottle behind the goal when they...
OK, told Josh I would live blog this cunt of a lift. There’s Souey, there. Love him, you know. Made mistakes, genuine remorse. Kelly’s rig is 🔥 The lights have gone out. Imagine the blues. Hahaha. Look at them ribbons. I would like them to drape over my naked...
FUCKING ridiculous that first half. Someone give me a shout when we are lifting that cup next week and when the new season kicks off. This is jarg this. Glitch in the matrix. The extent to which I wanted to win this game at half time is fucking daft. Makes no sense....
