Martin Fitzgerald offers up his player ratings after Liverpool beat FC Midtjylland 2-0 in their second Champions League group game at Anfield… DID a bit of research on this lot before the game. Turns out they’re one of those teams that love data,...
Martin Fitzgerald offers up his player ratings after Liverpool beat Sheffield United 2-1 in the Premier League at Anfield… BIG win that, Reds. Massive. That loon they’ve got locked in solitary confinement in Stockley Park tried to fuck us again but the...
THE cafes there must have been gutted there were no away fans. I haven’t seen this many wasted brownies since the Wavertree Girl Guides got into balloons. Anyway, here’s your match ratings… The Growing Pains of Adrian in Goal: 6 Does the occasional thing you...
FUCKING hell, Reds. That fella in Stockley Park must have been on the biftas and playing Crash Bandicoot all game. Probably popped to the garage for a Ginsters when Henderson scored and asked the fella behind the counter what he thought. Honestly, I can’t work it out....
THE thing about retaining the league is it’s a bit like winning a pie-eating competition, only to be told the prize is more pies. And let’s be honest, we ate a shit load of pies last season, way more than we needed to. The Spanish Pie Head in second place just kept...
SEE Arsenal brought back that weird Doom Metal font? I’m not saying that Arteta and his big lego head read my match ratings on Monday but someone’s tipped him off. Fucking snide that. I might have to start putting these behind a paywall. Or stop talking about fonts...
ONCE I saw they’d stopped using that Doom Metal font on the back of their shirts I knew we’d win. In the Charity Shield, I couldn’t work out if BELLERIN, KOLASINAC AND AUBAMEYANG were Arsenal players or next year’s headliners at Download. And anyone who’s been around...
I HAD a blind date in Lincoln once, with a woman from Branston. We met in the cathedral, had a quick look for the Imp, found him, and then walked up a hill so steep that it was litetally called Steep Hill. We then caught our breath, had a drink and got to know each...
IN April 2010, the playwright Alan Bennett wrote… “The open mouth of Chelsea’s Frank Lampard, having scored a goal, is also the howl on the face of the damned man in Michelangelo’s Last Judgement.” As you can see below, he had a point. So who’s this...
I USED to have a ritual on the first day of the season. Get down the Wimpy Bar early doors, have a big pre-season meal and then hate Leeds United for the next nine months. But then I moved somewhere that didn’t have a Wimpy and Leeds kept getting relegated. If truth...
