THEY’RE among the more mysterious contenders for the Euros, seemingly as likely to have a run to the semis as they are to crash out without a single goal to their names.
With just a few days until the Croats kick off their campaign against Ireland, take a look at the questions below and find out if you’re up to speed with Slaven Bilić’s injury-ravaged dark horses/also-rans.
What does a red and white check pattern mean to you?
A) Picnic time
B) Confusing flag at grand prix
C) The proud emblem of Croatian nationhood, and the best shirt in the tournament by miles
Is Nikica Jelavic…
A) A great shout for top goalscorer?
B) Proud standard-bearer for The People’s Club(TM)?
C) A big disappointment at international level, who could well be on the bench behind Eduardo and Mario Mandzukic?
According to @Peterburkecbf, Croatia is responsible for which item of clothing, sported by contributors to every Anfield Wrap podcast?
A) Hotpants
B) The monocle
C) The cravat
TAW fan @petefrancombe’s girlfriend’s ex was a bully. That much is true, but which current Croatia squad member’s head did he flush down the toilet when at school?*
A) Stipe Pletikosa, the 6ft 4in goalkeeper
B) Josip Šimunić, a 6ft 5in central defender once booked three times by Graham Poll
C) Luka Modric
*(head-flushing is presented as a specimen example. The bullying may have included, but not be limited to, pinching, flicking with wet towels or the stealing of dinner money)
Red @pahaps has a wife. She has a friend who, interestingly, has a dad. Perhaps even more excitingly, said father lives in the family’s ancestral village in Croatia. He whiles away the days by hunting – but what does he use to snare his dinner?
A) Dynamite
B) A pack of hounds
C) A lovely golden eagle
According to @stanic007, Ivan Rakitić could be one of the stars of the tournament for Croatia. In 2007 Rakitić and his family received threatening letters and calls from the Swiss far-right. Why?
A) He told a rally in Geneva ‘fondue smells of feet and your chocolate is frankly overrated’
B) He pointed out the concept of nationalism was particularly absurd in a country with four official languages
C) He had opted to represent Croatia despite having been born in Switzerland and playing for the Swiss up to under-21 level
Croatia’s only successes in competitions have come in the form of a World Cup third place spot, the Korea Cup and the King Hassan II Tournament. But they did win one another coveted award twice in the 1990s. Was it:
A) Duke of Edinburgh Award?
B) Rear of the Year?
C) The FIFA Award for Best Mover?
In an entirely invented poll reported/concocted by crypto-racist porn substitute The Daily Star, what did 60 per cent of Croatian men allegedly say they would forego in order to guarantee Euro 2012 victory?
A) Being the target of the manufactured outrage of the right-wing press, staffed as it is by white middle-class chancers as likely to have their job ‘stolen’ by an eastern European as they are to ever grasp the full extent of their own awfulness.
B) Carrying out often menial jobs in the UK for which they are as overqualified as they are underpaid, helping ensure essential services like the NHS can function.
C) Sex and showering.
Check your score….
Mostly As
You don’t know anything about Croatia.
Mostly Bs
You don’t know anything about Croatia.
Mostly Cs
You know quite a bit about Croatia. Reconsider where your life is heading.
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Great stuff. I want to win the FIFA Award for Best Mover. I would also take Rear of the Year