Ben Johnson’s player ratings for The Anfield Wrap after Liverpool 2 Everton 0 in the Premier League at Anfield…
HA ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Imagine being them. We are in theory the shittest we have been since Hodgson, susceptible to all their strengths (strengths might be a stretch) and they get fucking legged everywhere.
Fucking hell.
Alisson: 7
Did he have anything to actually fucking do, aside from watch that one expertly against the post in some sort of pre assist? Maybe he blew it. Like some kind of illegal weather balloon.
Trent: 8
Not his best game for The Reds, gave it away a lot in the first 20-30 minutes or so, but that’s the best the right-hand side, as a trio have played all season. Time and again they just bypassed the Everton left-hand side half press.
Great ball for the second.
Gomez: 8
Was possibly up there for man of the match. That said, he was marking the stiffest of big stiff plumbers upfront for them there, but he set the tempo for The Reds’ press and he can only play against what he is playing against.
Big Joel: 7
Lost a point for the bit first half when we were all relaxed and enjoying ourselves when he completely, inexplicably missed the fucking ball for no fucking reason and then bollocked everyone for getting excited. Screamed: “FUCKING CALM DOWN FOR FUCK’S SAKE,” at everyone who was calm just before he missed the fucking ball.
Robbo: 9
Gets all the points in the world for how much they hate him and how much he, frankly, hates them.
That bit where he laughed at that weird guy who plays in goal for them was good. Man of the match for that, really.
Fabinho: 8
Best game in a long time. Probably helped by the higher work rate of everyone around him and having less ground to cover, but didn’t look like a parboiled crab which is a fucking start.
Henderson: 8
Thought he was fantastic in that he set the tempo time and again. Wasn’t bypassed at all really, won his battles and led the press a lot.
Not sure how viable it is for him to do that twice in a week, he needs to be able to expend every fucking ounce. Not sure he has two in a week in him. That said, I’d take one a week at that level all day fucking long, 30 of them a season. Yes please, Jordan. We will work the rest out around you.
Linked up with Salah and Trent superbly all game.
Bajcetic: 9
Fantastic. And getting better. Maybe this is god’s plan. The Reds play a year without a proper functional midfield and yer man pops his head up above the parapet and turns out to be better than fucking Alonso and Thiago chopped together. What a player. A star.
Worth the pain of this year? Not sure about that, but it’s said he moves in mysterious ways. Is right.
Mo Salah: 9
Best game for god knows how long. The combinations between him, Henderson and Trent just kept getting us out of trouble, beating their press, and getting us on the attack.
Funny his goal because Pickford fucks off for the Echo without anybody selling him a dummy. He just fucking tried to man mark Gakpo’s head off.
Would have liked him to score some more because, well, mainly, it would have been dead fucking sound.
Gakpo: 9
For the first time, tonight I see what the club seen when they bought him. Maybe that’s a bit harsh, maybe he has shown glimpses, but that’s the first time you can look at him and say, yes he looks like a Liverpool player.
A future Firmino? Yes of sorts. Dropping deep, getting it on the half turn, roasting his man and feeding the fast fucking wide forward ahead of him.
Fantastic. Made up he scored fucking made up.
Nunez: 8
Great threat on the break. Was half convinced he would get sent off. And was almost a little disappointed he didn’t.
That said, what a run and ball for the first. Tremendous. On a plate, in that it was right in front of the goal, and their little weird keeper took the half chance and converted it into 100xG by fucking off on a fucking explore.
Like a hobbit, left the shire, fucking wandered into Mordor come back and his fucking house had been ransacked by goblins. Hahaha.
SUBS
Jota: 6
Funny isn’t he, because you forget he looks like a scruff who has just smoked his weight in green, you forget that the ball bobbles off him and he gives it away now and again. You forget he flatters to deceive now and again until he has twatted two in and they are scratching their heads. Rusty tonight, will probably bang two on Saturday.
Bobby: 5
Come on and we looked a bit worse, but I mean that probably was less to do with him and more to do with my nerves.
Elliott: 6
Made some tackles and I could have carried him around town on my shoulders.
Keita: N/A
Maybe unlucky not to start. But then that probably tells you all you need to know in terms of what the manager actually thinks about him and why we aren’t banging his door down to sign a new deal.
Milner: 5
Was a clear step down from Jordan Henderson, but frankly was always going to be. Again, probably didn’t do much wrong, aside from make me nervous. More to do with me than anyone else.
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Fabinho was shite. Get him sold.
“Like a parboiled crab” might be the best metaphor you’ve ever written, Ben. First class.
Personally I’d have given Van Dyke a score for sorting out the entire everton team when he wasn’t even on the pitch
Like his performance, this photo of Bajcetic has iconic potential.