I’M on the ratings this week as Ben Johnson is on his anniversary stag doo.
Let’s dissect that for a minute. He enjoyed his stag doo so much he does it every year. It’s a magnificent blag, that. Best blag since Hodgson convinced the world he was a good manager. What a fella.
So yeah, you’ve got me because Johnno is currently paying slightly too much for a pint of Guinness and wondering if it’s too early to do karaoke.
Adrian: 8
Saved us a great deal. Two belters, at least. He’s great with his legs, isn’t he? He’s putting them to much better use than Dejan Lovren is, that’s for sure.
Neco Williams: 7
Pick of the defenders. Gets an assist for the own goal which is slightly fortunate, but deserved for the general standard of his crossing. Doesn’t look out of place at all and was one of the few who didn’t get bullied second half.
Joel Matip: 5
I mean, he wasn’t our worst centre half today, but it’s not great when you are getting hooked and a midfielder pushed back because you can’t win a header, even though you are 7ft tall. Really solidly passed it to them at one point as well. Found their striker with aplomb.
Dejan Lovren: 3
Absolutely was our worst centre half today. Heaven knows what he is thinking for their equaliser. Is he trying to nick it? Just web it out the ground, Dejan, they’ve only got about 12 rows of seats. Right in the river and discuss your options later. Made up he won that table tennis game, though.
Yasser Larouci: 5
I’m worried he might be a bit Alby Moreno you know, mates. Some good running but rarely much thought behind it and he doesn’t look like he’s got a cross in him. What’s the opposite of a cultured left foot? His left foot is a philistine. It goes to the curry house and orders ham and chips.
Fabinho: 5
How long has he been out for? It looked like he’d been out for five years. He spent the first half looking like Austin Powers after he’s been cryogenically frozen. Really confused and asking loads of questions about the world. Wouldn’t pick him for West Ham. He’ll probably go to Upton Park instead.
Pedro Chirivella: 7
Good first half but faded a bit the second. His pass for the first was the best thing we did all game, though. Loves the ball.
Curtis Jones: 7
Lovely finish. Generally threatening without being in the game quite as much as you’d like.
Harvey Elliot: 5
Just couldn’t get into the game at all. He’s an actual child though, so you have to give him some slack.
Takumi Minamino: 5
Starting to think we won’t get to see much from him until next season now. Just doesn’t seem quite on the same wavelength as everyone else. He’s fighting, though.
Divock Origi: 5
Might have been the most disappointing in that he should be telling the manager he’s upfront against West Ham on Wednesday, yet instead I’ve got no idea who plays instead of Sadio Mane. Maybe we should pick the lad who buries our second. His laidback nature is a blessing and a curse.
Subs:
All ran around a lot but didn’t change it enough. Salah should score that header, really.
Never mind.
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Adios Degsy, Shaq and Adam. The injured amigoes.
I feel they have actually done themselves no justice in being granted more time at the Club based on availability etc. However they may still come super good for the run in. One can only hope.
Degsy. Think it may have all been a bit beneath him playing with the youngsters. I dunno, maybe it’s harsh but just seemed like he couldn’t be arsed. Or it really is true that playing next to Virgil makes everyone 10x better.
Lucky in the end not to go out.
Big dog is coming back from a lengthy injury and had Joël next to him also doing the same and Fab equally on the come back trail. All have only just got back to training with a ball. They were with 4 youngsters and a newbie all thrown together in a fiesty away cup game on a pig of a pitch with incompetent officials, who had one narrative of levelling the playing field with some dubious decisions. So personally I would cut them all some slack.
Yeh I suppose. I kind of expect that they will automatically return with form, due to their ability. But I guess they have to play themselves in, like anyone.
One thing that annoyed me with Lovren was that he’d been given the armband but he was about as vocal as a librarian. Imagine if Henderson had been on that field, he’d have been barking instructions so loudly you’d have heard him on Mars. Adrian was much more vocal than Lovren and made a better case for being captain.