JESUS Christ.
That first half was pretty bad, weren’t it? Second half weren’t much cop either, mind you.
Aye Aye Big Si: 5
I mean, I don’t know. Spent years watching him not be at fault for goals but never making a one-on-one save. The opposite of what you want in a keeper in them situations. Makes himself smaller than you would imagine is possible. He’s like the opposite of Mary Poppins handbag. Shite. That’s probably harsh. I couldn’t give two fucks, William.
Got the footwork of a dead horse wearing Timberlands for that second. Glued to his line when Hoever was desperate for him to come and help him second half. Nothing but that dead-eye stare. The deadest of eyes.
Playing upfront for the last few minutes > the rest of his Liverpool career.
I truly hope, from the bottom of my heart, that we never, ever have to watch him play for Liverpool ever again. If we do, something has gone drastically wrong.
Rafa Camacho: 5
Decided to play right wing and fuck off the defending bit there for the first half an hour; like Philly Degen but higher up the pitch, which takes some doing. Genuinely, not sure what position he was playing
Seemed like most of what we seen first half was The Reds chasing their lads after we had lost the ball, and then Camacho popping up at the bottom of the screen in what can only be described as a token retreat. Better second half in that he played a bit like a right back.
Degsi Degsi Big Dog: 7
In fairness, best he played all season that. Didn’t put a foot wrong. Reckon the Big Dog’s ego couldn’t cope with Virg getting a rest and him having to play. I’m not saying there’s nothing wrong with him, but remember when he went off at The Kop end on gas and air with a broken ankle on the Wednesday and played on the Saturday? Fucking Lazarus, lad.
Fabinho: 7
Did alright first half in fairness, but makes the decision to dive in when he might have been better served staying on his feet. Not surprising that, really. Natural instinct as a midfielder is to dive in and win it knowing you having a couple of fellas behind you to mop up if you don’t win it. Actually thought he did alright throughout and had a bit about him.
Albie Moreno: 5
Loves letting a fella run off his shoulder, doesn’t he? Like that stock photo that always bounces round Twitter of the fella with his bird next to him, while he is looking at the other bird over his shoulder — except Albie is the fella, his bird is where he thinks his man is, and the fancy piece is his actual man, yet the dopey fucker still hasn’t realised so is smug as fuck. Time delay between his eyes and his brain of about 40 seconds.
Genuinely must be some fella in the dressing room to still be knocking around this first team, like fucking Ant and Dec rolled into one. Fucking fun time Charlie. Up there with the worst left backs to play for us in my lifetime, and I watched John Riise aimlessly twat shots at walls for what felt like 20 fucking years.
James Milner: 6
Tried to get The Reds playing from the deep midfield role, but there was nothing doing first half and also it takes a specific skillset to play that role, one of which is looking after the ball under pressure. Pretty dismal for the goal. Gives it away first of all, then just decides to let their lad run in on goal and then did a Klinsmann. Kept going as you would expect and grafted his balls off.
Curtis Jones: 5
A thousand Scouse points out of a thousand for being the Scousest fella since Jimmy Corkhill, there. Feel sorry for the young lads when they have to play in a team with this many changes, with no rhythm and first-team players who tend to be shite in these games.
Looked sharp when he got the ball, just didn’t get the ball much first half. The problem then is, when you do get it, you try and make something happen. Tried to force it, gave it away in the dangerous area, two minutes later… 2-1. One of them, init? Would like to see him and all of the young lads, with a full-strength team, one at a time, not all lumped in together.
Big Shaq Not In The House: 5
Can see why people said he was shite at Stoke last year, can’t you? It’s hard sometimes looking good in a shite side, because when you get it you have no one to give it to. Then when someone else gets it they either can’t find you, don’t see you, or give it away while trying. How the fuck has that freekick not gone in?
Naby Keita: 5
Coupe of nice touches first 20, but then drifted out of it when The Reds needed the midfield to stand up for themselves. Looked absolutely jiggered last 20, like he was running in treacle, which is a worry on its own, and then plays that one out when Salah was in space, which was pretty shite and also a worry. I’m worried about him, you know.
Divock: 7
Worked his plumbs off there, didn’t he? Showed for every ball, didn’t give up, scored a belter. Fair play, Big Div.
Dan Sturridge: 4
An absolute waste of time, there. Did fuck all, and I mean that. Not a thing. Seriously, what impact did he have on the game? Drifted about between their lads when we were without the ball. Drifted about between our lads when we had it.
Granted, its hard to play well upfront in a team that isn’t clicking, but fuck me. The only thing he did in the first 67 minutes was get the foul for the Shaq freekick. Deserved to be fucking dragged off. That said, he’s never going to be the type of player to run shuttles and chase shadows, so maybe that’s a bit harsh? Fuck even knows anymore.
SUBS
Hoever: 7
Spent the game cleaning up everyone else’s shite there, didn’t he? Soz. Fancied himself like Jari on the ball there, didn’t he? Did incredibly well for a 16-year-old.
I was listening to Be Here Now on repeat and wearing a light blue cagoule that would have fit John Candy when I was his age. Boss dribble out from the back. Made a few mistakes but so would you playing in front of him, and in the same backline as the other fella.
Salah/Firmino:
You know why they are some of the best players in the world? They fucking graft when the team needs them to graft, even though they are better than every other fucker on the pitch.
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Best we move on from that as quick as possible really. But Mignolet.
Appalling footwork for the second, and might as well not even have been between the posts for the first. He even turns his head away from the shot, ffsakes
Migs. Dead eyes. Spot on. Ran into him in reception at the Hope Street Hotel. Got full on dead eyes. Will never forget. Hopefully his last game.
Keita reminds me of Shaun Wright Phillips, but worse. How was he getting all those red cards at Leipzig, he’s played like a little fart for us so far.
Studge – 0 f*cks given.
Origi/Shaq/Juninho/kids – Had a few f*cks to give.
Millie – Wanted to give a f*ck, but didn’t have any.
Naby – Not sure. Can look like he gives a f*ck and then not in the space of 10 yrds.
Albie/Migs – WTF?
Nobody will care when we win the league.
I don’t want to judge Keita too harshly (you already know there’s a but coming soon) as I imagine the expectation on him to perform tonight was always probably a bit OTT given all the changes throughout the starting XI…BUT.. I too am a bit worried about him. I’ve watched him a few times start brightly then fade away, seemingly through a mixture of fitness issues but also confidence. When things don’t go his way he then seems to disappear and when he does reappear he’s giving it away. There’s no logical reason that he can’t make that simple pass to Salah at the end there either. Aside from having zero confidence I just can’t comprehend how he doesn’t make that pass. At least Fab really is starting to look the part.. he’ll do a job on Saturday for sure alongside Virgil.
Also to link this match to the gutter show that was released earlier today, Rob is totally justified in his concerns about our squad depth for the front and Adam Smith is 100% correct on Adam Lallana- even though he didn’t even start, by not starting he proved what a waste of time it is having him around. A “minor injury” keeps him out today, but if he can’t even make it for this game then what is the point anymore in even bothering to discuss him as a viable option?
I understand we have to support our players but either Camacho was given terrible tactical instructions or just chose to ignore the defensive side of his game.
He was pretty terrible all game, unable to find a single player in red and the cherry top was a 40 yard shot with his weaker foot when we were putting the pressure on.
Sturridge was worse than abysmal. Young kids there needing help and an example. Used more energy when he was twatting about in his car on LFC TV Can’t remember him having more than 6 touches. 0
Moreno’s aimless, useless long balls 3
Milner’s age catching up with him? 5
Quality as usual. The Moreno and Lovren entries were superb and genuinely got me laughing out loud. Thanks Jonno.
Not harsh enough on Sturridge. Genuinely.
On a positive note, I’m okay with being out. This season is about one thing and one thing alone, and the FA Cup has become a distant third best to the league and champions league.
In light of our issues at CB, I think we should look at signing Pepe until the end of the season.
He’s a free agent and the only reason he departed Besiktas early was due to the club’s financial situation and to assist them. He’s proven top quality both at club and international level, and has even contributed goals this season (5 in 17). As a bit-part player, his age is not an issue and his experience is invaluable.
If we’re seriously looking to compete for the title, we cannot afford to have a bad January (like a couple of years back). Bringing in someone like Pepe alongside VVD and in-front of Allison will be more than enough to get us through until Lovren, Matip and Gomez come back.
Not to mention, it would be nice to have some title winning experience in the side. Seems like a no-brainer, cheaper than a transfer if it’s a short term signing!
DC
Very seldom criticise our own team even when they’ve had a bad one, but the attitude/lack of ability from the senior pros who have been on the fringes stunk the place out tonight. How Sturridge, Moreno (if I was Milner I’d be strangling him for that pass) & Mignolet can seriously look Klopp or anyone else in the eye after that is beyond me. So much for our big squad – better hope our first team stays fit for the rest of the season as we aren’t winning anything relying on these. Imagine being a kid making your debut and looking to them for inspiration! You’re spot on with Firmino & Salah – what a difference a willingness to graft makes.
Oh ps., think you’re right to be worried about Naby, Has looked generally ineffective everytime I’ve seen him. Clearly has the touch of a good player but not sure about his physicality – the same size as Kante but worlds apart in that regard.
Paddy, they say “Hard work beats talent if talent doesn’t work hard!” [I will give you that one for free ;) ]
Some like Migs and Albie never had talent in the first place, that or brain power, so you’d expect them to play out of their socks for us. Well they even failed on that score. As for the rest, they were shocking.
Dreadful how you treat and describe Mignolet.
I hope one day someone judges you in the same way, so that you learn to be a more kind person and balanced observer.
My god that was an awful awful first 45. Not 1 player played for the shirt. Pretty sure Lovren would have been as bad. Has already been mentioned, our so called squad is looking lightweight, no bloody dire..
At last, someone breaking from the “Albie did alright” nonsense. I have never seen an LFC player as poor defensively, 40 second delay is right. Robbo, or Firmino for that matter, gives Milner that pass, not that they would, they are on their bike immediately anticipating the danger. Moreno just stands there until he gets cold and then starts jogging. Lad, you are at stake in your job for 90 minutes every three weeks.
Like Mig, a lot of goals happen when he is on the field that he is not at fault for but just don’t happen when he isn’t on the pitch. Klopp is brilliant and while there are things I disagree with him on – like being okay with having no front 3 backups that allow us to play the same way (actually that’s really the only one) – the one thing I cannot fathom is how Moreno is anywhere near this team. Sign a winger and let him play there when Robbo is out – at least we can drop the pretence of playing 4 defenders.
Hoever though.
Just happy we are out cos Herr Klopp won’t buy this window we don’t have a team to compete on 3 fronts as per yesternight let’s focus on the remaining 2
Excellent article Ben, I think you pretty much nailed it. I was thinking before hand about not even watching this and spending an evening with the other half watching “Call Saul” (Season 4). I sort of felt we would not be bothered about this and our focus would be on the PL & CL. However curiosity got the better of me and I thought I would see how the young uns would fare.
Let’s start with Lovren. Absolute garbage against City. Was woeful. Self proclaimed best defender in the World and talks a good game doesn’t he. However when it come to it, well he feebly sits his ass down and realises it is not for him. Yet playing for Croatia at the Worlds, he all bust to pieces and can drag himself and his Country through every game. – If I was Mr liability, I would be panicking as some 16 year old kid came in and actually played better in a cameo than he has from his entire compilation of best bits in our shirt. – I am like you Ben, I am not buying it either. I feel he just didn’t fancy it myself.
Albie Moronic. Time to say goodbye. To be fair to the lad, he tries hard, just there’s no grey matter between the ears.
Migs. – After watching Becker this season, you suddenly remember what a keeper is all about and it ain’t Simon. Wow is he shocking. Not as shocking as Bogdan, but he is right up there with smoke hands, the handsome hologram. Honestly, we could have played with an extra outfield player for all the good that Migs actually does.
Sturridge. I actually forgot he was on the pitch. Honestly!!! – If that’s all he can come up with, then maybe it’s time we offloaded him and got in someone who is prepared to have a go. In fact bring back Danny Ings… actually don’t, as whilst Ings is an honest enough lad, his level is the Burnley’s and Southampton’s of the World.
Lallana – His best game ever for us in a red shirt. More of the same please.
Shaq. Not sure what was going on with him tonight. Hope we don’t see that version of him ever again. Not sure he found a red shirt all night. I mean even smacking it aimlessly anywhere, you stand some sort of degree of getting it to one of our players… so this took some doing to do that last night. Boss free kick though and still can’t work out how it didn’t go in and then managed to spin out of the goal and go out for a goal kick.
Jones and Camacho – Think they got a tad excited there. However at least they tried, even if it wasn’t happening. They were both all over the shop though and not in a good way.
Milner. A touch of the Djimi Traore’s there wasn’t it. Remember that FA Cup game against Burnley away??? – I just remember the song we all started singing to the Jacksons’ “Don’t blame it on the Boogie” – “Don’t blame it on the Biscan! Don’t blame it on the Hamann. Don’t blame it on the Finnan; blame it on Traore… He just can’t, he just can’t, he just can’t control his feet!”
So the only bright spots are Fabinho, who looked calm throughout with all that mayhem and dross in front of him and that big lump of cack behind him and the 16 year old lad who just happened to turn up with his kit and thought it was a kick about with his mates and had a boss time on the pitch. Pity the others didn’t feel the same way. – Oh and I will also give Origi some applause as well. Tried didn’t he.
So fantastic 2019 thus far. Two games played, both lost and now out of the FA Cup (which should be a blessing in disguise as I don’t wish to see rubbish like that again). They say good teams don’t lose two in a row… we just did. Enough is enough now. So it’s off to Brighton and it will be interesting to see who we play in defence. Last time we went there, it was Gini and that gimp who is now at Juve and we ran out as handsome winners. More of that please and less of what we saw last night.
PS – Naby Keita… Still the greatest player I have never seen. Honestly, when we were linked with him and everyone was gleefully ‘knocking one off’ over all this, I thought we had to have someone who was up there with Gerrard, Dalglish, Souness, possibly even Suarez or even a Salah… So far he is coming across more like Bruno Cheyrou than anything else.
Just seen this about Degsy https://www.empireofthekop.com/2019/01/08/the-shocking-lovren-stat-that-shows-reds-need-to-dip-into-the-market/
Another reason (as if we needed it) as to why we need an upgrade.
its all been said,hahahahaha,time for a lot of players to be bined.
And just imagine what may have happened had the majority actually been binned off and where we could have been overall as a result?
It is all very well polishing turds, as it can be done. But unfortunately for most it tends to be that we just rolled them in a bit of glitter.
1 trophy since we last won the FA Cup in 2006 says the story. That was nearly 13 years ago now and in the case of our last trophy that was nearly 7 years ago. In that time we have spent handsomely on some players who have hardly set the world on fire and whilst they occasionally have a decent enough performance, we quite often see what we saw last night from them.
Pissed myself on the Moreno bit.