SO there’s Rafa Benitez there, looking all managerial and important.
What a man. Have a lovely big reminisce about them mad days with that mad crazy, needly bastard in charge of us. While you are doing that have a lovely big think about the now and have a look at Jürgen Klopp looking all sound and fit, with his massive big mouth and boss head, and that. I’m not sure if it is allowed to like the both of them at the same time but I think I do y’know.
I’ll tell you one thing for free, mind you. I’m not sure Rafa had a better Liverpool team than this current one. He might have had a better spine, but he never had the opportunity to build a better 11. These boys are the real deal. Say what you want mate but trophies and cups and leagues are on their way into these lads’ greedy hands, you can smell it.
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Lagsy Kagsy: 9
Was trying to work a Cagney and Lacey joke into his name for most of the first half, there. Settled on Lagsy Kagsy as the most scouse version of it without the female police melodrama reference.
Made a great save and was generally boss throughout, assured in his positioning, communicative and had green leggings on. Like the Green Lantern but harder. Might be a proper ‘keeper, you know. Night and day from that fucking divvy with the zipped-up mouth.
Trent Alexander-Arnold: 8
Thought he covered round all day on whenever they tried to break. Fast as fuck, hard as iron, like Ste Gerrard but probably better.
Degsy The Lovren: 8
Was boss all day long. Got onto my match-going shouts today in a moment of reflection. I am a nuisance who repeatedly shouts stay on your feet and good decision at all our defenders all the time. He made loads of the latter and did loads of the former. Well in, Big Dog.
Big Virg van Dijk: 9
Its beyond a joke how good he is. He completes us. Like, the missing piece of a treasure map or something. X marks the spot, and the X is tattooed all over Virg’s back. I might get a 3D printer and print off a massive, big Virg statue and employ him as a doorman in ours.
Andy Robbo: 8
Mad the way he is the soundest Scottish fella since the lads out of Young Fathers. In fact, is he in that band? Wouldn’t surprise me. He is fucking boss, absolutely scouse as fuck.
Jordan Henderson: 8
Sad Mackem bastard and that, isn’t he? Except he didn’t appear overly upset to spend the day taking the ball off of them Geordie Shore fuckers all day long. It was too easy for him and his big arms, in his short sleeve top and that. Mad the way there are no long-sleeve tops anymore isn’t it? They all just wear under armour and a shortie instead. Sad.
Emre Can: 7
Like a dog. Chewing everything he found, occasional moments of brilliance.
Alex Oxo-Chambo: 9
Again, he’s the one who breaks the lines, wins the ball, legs it through and creates the first goal. When we signed him I thought he was a doom brain. He isn’t, he is boss, and clever, and fit, and fast, and everything you want in a Liverpool player. These transfer geeks we have got can’t half pick players these days.
Mo Salah: 8
Stronger than He-Man. Some fucker tried to put him in a Full Nelson half way through the second half and the ref didn’t bother giving a freekick. They upped the anti and tried to kick him into the Nile and the ref didn’t give a pen. Hopefully saving all our Mo Salah-based decisions for Old Trafford. I’ll say it again; the best we have had in 10 years. Don’t fucking @ me.
Roberto Firmino: 8
New contract. Give him the keys to the ground. Give him whatever he wants. There is no one better in the league for what we want and need. Tough day, got some rough treatment off their carthorses, batted on like fucking Atherton, mate. Go ‘ed.
Sadio Mane: 8
Scored a goal that was better than 90 per cent of team goals The Reds have scored in the past 10 years. It will be lost in a season full of boss goals, mind you. Sharp, bright, hard, fast and boss. His celebrations, lad. Lad.
SUBS
Adam Lallana:
Nice touches.
James Milner:
He is a muscle man.
Joel Matip:
Wanted him to go upfront.
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oh Ben Johnson, you’re a funny fucker
I enjoy these reviews but it would be nice to have some more insightful, tactical based reviews once in a while especially when we have two tactically astute managers going head to head.
It was an interesting contest and Newcastle stifled us initially but we managed to grind it out. Your review does not really give us any idea of how and why we wore Newcastle down or what Newcastle’s plan was.
Match ratings are always supposed to be a laugh. The tactical stuff usually comes out a day or two after
AOC interviewed after the match on BT sounded very much like a captain. Amazing for a young lad who only showed up in the summer. VVD reminds me of Souness in the way he is always directing, encouraging and covering for his team mates. This team is going places.
yea man
Remember his “mic drop” moment after a match in December when it was he and Coutinho being interviewed and they asked Phil if he was getting ready to do one to Barca?
Despite only being at the club for weeks, AOC jumps in, apologizes for answering Phil’s question, and proceeds to tell the guy to mind his own business that Coutinho has been the model pro….
Can should lose 2pts for writhing around one someone’s hand brushed his face. We’re not Spurs.
He must be rehearsing for Serie A.
Thought Bobby had a bit of a mare by his own really high standards tbh. Fucker couldn’t even score. He’ll pot next week though.
Respectfully disagree with Bobby and Trent’s generous ratings. Bobby not much in it at all today for me (good pass for Mane’s goal aside) and Trent’s passing was shite, a lot, good job Newcastle are shite though.
Karius – 2 keys saves in the last 2 matches, at key times in both games. De Gea-esque one might say, I’m not comparing him to the best goalkeeping world football, just basically saying this is what boss keepers do. Is right lad.
Not so sure mate. Bobby had to deal with a lot of traffic around him, all the time, Barcodes stuck 9 behind the ball and left no space at all. Started and slipped the killer pass for Sadio’s clincher.
Likewise Trent, lot of action down his end. Did what he needed to do defensively very well. Fair enough with some of his passing but I think you gotta credit Benitez and the players for pressurising Trent’s outball a lot. I though the kid was sound myself.
Still waiting for John Gibbons to do one of these…or is he too ashamed of his insistence that Mignolet was a better keeper than Karius? Ha!
Three months ago Karius does not make that save. He just doesn’t. He might not be our number one keeper when the season kicks off next August, but he’s going to be sound. As for Big Virg. £75m is small beer for making our entire defence boss. His pointing alone has greater authority than that headmistress from Grange Hill in the 80s. Now, rest the entire 11 midweek and let’s reconvene this machine next Saturday.
You’re bang on there Andy.
The Handsome Hologram is starting to show some form. I’m happy if he does go on to be a solid keeper for us. I don’t think self confidence is an issue for him. His general demeanour and bullish comments to the media would suggest the sort of self belief that really good players have. VVD in front of him and anointed status may just have done the trick. Fingers crossed.
Big Virg has indeed been worth every penny of his fee. He is imperious. And he’s not even Klopp Fit yet. Wait until he’s had a pre season. As has been said, when Fergie signed Rio for an enormous sum back then his ability and the transformative effect he had on their defence meant no one mentioned his fee afterwards. I fully expect the same to happen with our big man.
Matip up front ? We will have to change his name to Kanu then those legs though will be nut meggin fuckers for fun
“Night and day from that fucking divvy with the zipped-up mouth.” – Never laughed harder or player rating. Can Ben Johnson be on permanent ratings duty? Not allowed any more vacations mate.
Fuck spending £70m for a keeper, Karius has it now. He’s been fantastic since being declared number one and looks as settled as Van Dijk, why change a winning formula? Shouts, saves things he shouldn’t save, and gets us moving quickly. Exactly what we need. Put it this way: if we’d signed a keeper in Jan who had performed exactly as Karius has, we’d be shouting his name from the rooftops like we are Big Virg.
Also +1 for the Green Latern reference
agree – Keeper sorted.
Al Chambo was so boss today I will let him off wearing gloves!! I didn’t wear gloves and it was cold. I walked past a big fella on way out and he just had his shirt on, no jumper no coat. He probably thought that I was a wimp for wearing a hat so he would have slated him. That’s nothing to do with Al game but I was impressed by the big man. Let’s start singing his song at games, he’s a bobby dazzler.
like
Decent. Funny. Don’t miss watching 1-0 Rafa wins or grinding out 0-0 away European games. . But there’ll always be Istanbul. Newcastle were shit but well drilled. Karius excellent save first half. Ox looks like he’s settled. Should have been a red. Bring on Porto. Should have got rid of migs after 3-3 palace in 14.
As a NUFC fan some of those rating are way off. Most a reasonable but Robertson was awful. 6 at best. Henderson likewise, a 6 and VVD maybe a 7. Salah did what he does when provided with the ball very good and it was the Ox’s best game for you that I’ve seen. Firminio was better than Mane but you gave them the same rating.
That is really very funny. Well done lad.
TAW, can you do a competition where the prize is a night out on the lash with Ben Johnno?
thumbs up
Ben’s Ratings Rule !
Course it’s possible to love Klopp and Rafa at the same time. It was great seeing him back at Anfield. It was a great afternoon really. Two Liverpool men in the dug-outs, we took the three points, both fans gave it to Mike Ashley and Rafa didn’t lose a key man in Lascelles at the end.
Also, it’s getting a bit silly with Mo isn’t it? We need to give Roma some more money or something because it’s getting out of hand now.
Your a hero Benj!!!
Loving your work, man.