AFTERNOON, everyone.
Your normal host for this sort of thing, Neil Atkinson, is currently in Boston living his other life as a screenwriter who doesn’t get to watch Liverpool win 6-0 away from home and see Kolo Toure kiss the ground as if he’s just discovered Aston Villa after sailing around the world for two years.
So you’ve got me instead.
First up, here’s the serious part of my match review for all the football purists out there.
The context in which this game took place is one of a Villa side that are genuinely awful. Honestly, no-one has given us less of a game all season and that includes Exeter and a bunch of teams in the Europa League that no one’s heard of.
They’re playing like what they are — a team managed by a Frenchman who isn’t Arsene Wenger. Remember that time Portsmouth got that fella in that looked like Seinfeld? Yeah, it’s a bit like for Villa at the moment.
Notwithstanding the lack of a competent opposition, there were some real positives for Liverpool — namely Ðaniel Sturridge.
Just him being on the pitch makes everything SO much better. Firstly, he’s obviously brilliant but, secondly, he puts everyone else in the right position — looking to do the right thing.
No longer do we have Philippe Coutinho shooting from 20 yards because he feels he has to, or Alberto Moreno or Nathaniel Clyne whipping poor crosses in for small number 10s and a static, often labouring, front man.
No, instead partnerships are formed on the wing, no-one is trying to do too much, and everyone is playing towards something that’s obvious rather than confused.
Sturridge does that — just by walking on the pitch.
It’s remarkable really. Despite being at the apex of the side, everything pivots around him. His very presence makes everything work as spectacularly as his absence makes everything collapse.
I know, I know. Someone is looking at the screen and shouting: “BUT HE WENT OFF AFTER AN HOUR AND WE HARDLY COLLAPSED, DID WE?”
No, but Villa already had. That’s my point. And stop shouting at screens — that’s my other point.
With Sturridge, Coutinho and Firmino up front together we had our rhythm section back. That has to bode well for the future — whoever the opposition.
Now that’s out the way, here’s some other observations that will probably result in Sky trying to recruit me for that Monday Night Football thing where people touch a screen and stuff happens.
1) Some Villa fan offered out the whole Liverpool end and then ruined it by vaping. Either that or he was playing a clarinet — it’s quite hard to tell these days to be honest.
2) It’s good to see Emre Can score but it’s even better to see him get annoyed when his hair gets messed up as part of the celebration. Priorities, Emre, priorities.
3) Remember that time Kolo Toure thought it would be better not to jump at a corner and just let the ball hit him on the head? He was right you know.
4) That Klopp song, like the Colin Pascoe song, is never gonna happen. I don’t care that it’s a big hit on the concourse — so are Liquorice Allsorts . My advice would be to pick a pop song with a catchy tune instead. Young Guns (Go for it) by Wham is pretty good, I was listening to it this morning and found myself almost dancing by mistake. No idea what words you’d choose for it. Not my problem to be honest.
5) I liked that bit in the game where loads of people who never score were scoring goals.
6) I hated that part in the game where they brought Benteke on and it ruined point 5
7) They played Hi-Ho Silver Lining by Jeff Beck before the game. I hate that song but did you know the b-side was his version of Ravel’s Bolero which he, quite arrogantly, called Beck’s Bolero? Can you imagine that? It was also at that session that Jimmy Page came up with the idea for Led Zeppelin.
Atkinson never does this pop trivia stuff, does he? No, he bloody doesn’t.
8) They did a weird Valentine’s Day thing at half time where they picked two people out in the crowd and showed them on a big screen inside a big pink heart. They should probably go down for that alone — although Rob Gutmann and Gareth Roberts did make quite a nice couple to be honest.
That’s it. I’m done. We won 6-0 and I’ve enjoyed Villa away yet again.
I’ll miss them when their gone. So much so that I may even consider going to their games as a permanent away fan just to see if everyone else has this much fun.
Up the Reds. Up The Away End at Villa Park.
Point 4.
Don’t stop me now by Queen
Klopp hug me now.
Ace match review BTW. Enjoyed the music trivia.
Fantastic performance and result. If Leicester fall like a stone, we might even get back in to the fight for 4th if we can find just a little bit of sustained form.
As bad as we’ve been, Southampton, United and West Ham haven’t looked much better.
Laying Leicester to achieve top-4 on Betfair at 1.16, or Dutching United (6.0) and Liverpool (23.0) [both with 10bet] to qualify actually looks quite tempting.
The Liverpool/United bet probably makes most sense, as gravity is extremely likely to get the better of Leicester, while Arsenal, City and Spurs are all capable of choking. Only one of the current top-4 needs to completely lose the plot.
What about the lad kissing Origi – that’s a real valentine story today – so funny on the tele and I see it’s the lead photo here……who is your fav Liverpool player to kiss today? Ps good report Martin
We needed a scoreline like today badly after recent inconsistency.
All of us know how Sturridge and Phil can make the players around them better, thus improve overall team level of performance.
Really pleased with Can’s performance today~ how it should be on a weekly basis.
And Kevin deserves his debut!! (disappointed Mig didn’t score today :)
Good point regarding Stewart,
Important that players who shone in recent cup exploits aren’t sent straight back down the stiffs,
I wonder did injuries permit this or was Klopp going to give him another go regardless,
Anyhow he did well when he came on and is very assured in possession,
The injury crisis gave Klopp a chance to see lots of players more frequently and in the long term that may be no bad thing.
A good point. Not sure if he would be on the bench if Lucas/Allen were not injured. But this is what taking chances is all about, isn’t it.
At least he puts himself in the mix for remainder of the season and more importantly for next season squad.
I think someone should be able to make a half decent Klopp song out of Dylan’s Jokerman. I’ll even give the last line for free:
Woa oh ohhhh Jurgen Klopp.
How about “Jurgen Klopp.. Believin’.. Hold on to the Feelin'”
(To the tune of Journey’s Don’t Stop Believin’)
Great match report and music trivia most welcome.
No, no, no, no.
That song is up there with the most cringeworthy, annoying songs of all time.
It was rather over played following the Sopranos finale but I think that is a harsh assessment of the song. Each to their own.. :)
Klopp song: bliwtzkrieg bop by the ramones…..cmon its obvious
Haha, yes! Blitzkrieg Klopp! love it!
Ha ha, I saw that fella offering us out. There was another fella in a white coat as well who was giving it the biggun for the first 20, and then as soon as it went 2-0 he got off!! Terrible time to be a villa fan right now, you almost feel sorry for them
Our Klopp song was inspired by the normal ones reference to heavy metal football, so we went for Motörhead Ace of Spades as a song because there is not enough head banging at Anfield.
Heavy metal football Jurgen Klopps your man, win some draw some never lose a game. (G. Rift)
See the Redmen play Jurgens Gegenpressing was (G.Rift)
He’ll attack you with Speed, Then beat you ease.
Jurgen Klopp, Jurgen Klopp, Jurgen Klopp
I feel sure there’s mileage in “Shout To The Top!” by the Style Council for a Klopp song. Not quite sure how, but I reckon it could work.
Despite today’s brilliant result, Changing of the Guard might be a better one.
Are you taking the piss? Which bit exactly? Never has there been a song least likely to be adopted by a crowd. You’d need a conductor and probably a full orchestra, not to mention a choir. I quite like the song. Thought it was the best of a wank album. Footy though? I don’t think so.
I think that Klopp song is brilliant. When I heard it I just knew they’d picked the right song. There are some verses knockin about but there’s one or two lines I don’t like.
Not sure which of us you mean. I’m taking the piss and she isn’t ,though.
Great report! And yes, Emre’s hair is important. And who wouldn’t want to smooch Origi?
great that
point 4 …….we’ve got jurgen klopp fuck fergi.. we’ve got jurgen klopp fuck jose or add to taste
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6EeObPCMR8
Snorted coffee all over my screen at this:
“Remember that time Kolo Toure thought it would be better not to jump at a corner and just let the ball hit him on the head? He was right you know.”
Brilliant write up, mate.
When the Red’s win, we all win.
Great fun until Benteke ruined all attacking momentum. It’s like having two players sent off when he gets on the park.
Surely it’s better the blood the kids than play someone who laughs when he misses his chances?
Klopp song: Jurgen Klopp, Klopp, Klopp (Feeling hot, hot hot). I’m sure it has been sung already but it’s simple, joyous and infectious.
Yes. Maggie’s dead dead dead used in celebration of the evil witch’s demise.
Coutinho
I want that picture of Kolo celebrating in hi-res so I can have it as the wallpaper on all my laptops, phones and as an A2 print above my sofa.
ACDC Thunderstruck
Aaaaaaaaaah Jurgen
Aaaaaaaaaah Jurgen
Aaaaaaaaaah Jurgen
Aaaaaaaaaah Jurgen
??