THE greatest moments in football history are often remembered by replaying the iconic bellowing of the commentator.
They can be that extra sprinkling of something that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end.
“Some people are on the pitch, they think it’s all over. It is now!”
“Now Dalglish, across the face of the goal!”
“Barnes, Rush, Barnes… Still John Barnes… Collymore closing in!!!”
However, more often than not of late, the only thing commentary seems to be achieving is doing everyone’s head in.
Having had to follow last Saturday’s win over Chelsea on Twitter, which is an incredibly nervy way to spend 90-plus minutes by the way, it was remarkable to see that for every tweet about what was actually happening in the game, there were 10 more commenting on the way Ian Darke and Trevor Francis were calling it.
It was interesting to see how wound up people were getting just by the way the commentators were approaching the game.
Trevor Francis seemingly unaware Lucas is the best header of a ball in Liverpool's starting 11. Surely he's seen him play at some stage?
— Neil Docking (@NeilDocking) October 31, 2015
https://twitter.com/simonfurnivall/status/660441981211025409
Didn't think it was possible, but BT have found a worse co-commentator than Michael Owen in Trevor Francis.
— Tom (@TomBeynon) October 31, 2015
The make-up of the modern commentary team sees them masquerading almost as a comedy duo, with one straight man calling the action and an “analyst”, inevitably an ex-player, whose job it is to give his opinion on every single aspect of the game.
BT Sport has recently decided that two isn’t enough, and now regularly have one lead commentator, two analysts, and a former referee to comment on any contentious decisions.
It wasn’t always this way. Some of the all-time greats and their dulcet tones are, and always will be, synonymous with some of the most iconic moments in football history.
From Kenneth Wolstenholme and David Coleman, to Gerald Sinstadt and Brian Moore, and of course Barry Davies, John Motson and the late Tony Gubba. They all gave character to the games they were calling, and more often than not just got on with the task of describing the game, intertwined with interesting facts and relevant stats.
Fast forward to today, and you have the likes of Martin Tyler, Jonathan Pearce, the aforementioned Ian Darke, Darren Fletcher and Clive Tyldesley. The latter two in particular often end up trying to be more like Ant and Dec alongside their respective analysts rather than commentators.
While Fletcher and Robbie Savage (or Fletch and Sav to use their showbiz names) are understandably designed to be a double act due to their work on BBC 606 and BT Sport, Tyldesley and Andy Townsend have long been making watching the football on ITV insufferable.
Ever since he lost his ‘Tactics Truck’, the purpose of Townsend hasn’t been entirely clear. Seldom will he ever make a salient analysis of any intricacy of a game beyond “That’s not a foul for me, Clive.”, while Tyldesley is king of the over-pronunciation of foreign names (“Drog-barrr!”) and is often guilty of a sarcastic tone that makes you thankful he’s never been on the same gantry as Mark Lawrenson.
Tyler is widely considered to be the benchmark of modern commentary. He’s been in the game for decades and to his credit has largely been excellent in that time. The problem is that, perhaps now more than before, he feels a bit too robotic, like he has been programmed by a Sky Sports technician with pre-planned responses for anything that might happen. His reactions to goals only seem to cover an understated “Oh no, disaster for the opposition” to a potentially trouser-replacing scream of “Yes!!!” (see Anthony Martial’s effort against the Reds).
His reaction to Sergio Aguero’s title-winning goal for Manchester City against QPR seems to come from the same planning. As unbelievable and unpredictable as the moment was, his reaction and subsequent “I swear you’ll never see anything like this again!”, while dramatic and fitting, still felt a little staged, as if he knew he was recording for future Sky Sports adverts. Model professional certainly, but feels devoid of genuine emotion that you got from a Davies or a Moore.
As for Jonathan Pearce, well he shouts at everything, so it’s hard to decipher what he’s feeling at any one time. Let’s be honest, when he’s commentating we’re all really just waiting for Matilda and Sergeant Bash to come out and clean house.
Then there’s Jon Champion. His description of Luis Suarez’s handball goal against Mansfield the other year as “the work of a cheat” was said with such deliberate disgust and disdain you’d have been forgiven for thinking he was describing Lance Armstrong. It was clear hyperbole to make what had been rather a dull game seem interesting, and way beyond his remit of a play-by-play commentator.
He was at it again the other week when he and Owen Hargreaves were covering Liverpool’s home Europa League clash with FC Rubin. Both had spent the entire game talking about how Jurgen Klopp’s Liverpool looked no different to Brendan Rodgers’ Liverpool, and couldn’t resist jabbing here and there to raise the point and to make a story. Then, without any sense of irony at all, Champion said that Reds fans would need to show patience as Klopp couldn’t be expected to turn things around overnight.
Speaking of Hargreaves, there has been a strange tendency in recent years to have former players co-commentating on big games featuring their favoured team, where there is inevitable bias.
I don’t mind the likes of Alan Smith and Gary Neville as commentators generally, and even Hargreaves makes some pretty good points (in between mentioning for the 5,000th time what a good signing Douglas Costa was for Bayern Munich), but no matter how good, how balanced or how valid their commentary is for Arsenal, Manchester United or Bayern games respectively, you can’t take any of it seriously any more than you could listening to any fan describing a game their team is playing in.
For example, when Neville is covering a United game, we as the viewer know full well what his allegiances are, so when they score and he’s trying to remain calm and talk about the mistakes the defenders made, you know it’s all completely insincere. All he’s got in his head at that moment is “Get in!!! You beauty!!!!” Him trying to no-sell what we know is in reality full-on glee becomes more of a spectacle than the goal itself.
It may be time for some of today’s commentators to take a leaf or two out of Alan Partridge’s book, who of course brought us such fine moments as:
“Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, YEEESSSSS. That… was a goal!”
“Tw*t! That was liquid football!”
“The goalie has got football pie all over his shirt.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4ezBOXQYkI
It seems from social media and general discussion — as well as the lads on the podcasts mentioning it on more than one occasion recently — that there is a growing distaste of modern day football commentary.
One point that came up on the podcast this week (which has been nominated for an FSF award, go vote for it once you’ve finished reading this) is that commentators have more power to influence than many think. If they give an opinion and hammer it home enough, for many watching it can become ingrained in their mind as fact.
An example being Alan Smith’s insistence that Mamadou Sakho is “dodgy” on the ball in every Liverpool game he commentates on, despite all evidence to the contrary. He says it repeatedly, in spite of the contrary evidence right in front of him as Sakho fizzes ball after ball straight to a team-mate. Then all you hear from other football fans is how dodgy Sakho is on the ball.
These days commentators, in particular the analysts, feel it is their duty to tell everyone their thoughts on everything, no matter how misdirected or even hypocritical they may be. I am certain that listening to Michael Owen claim that a kick to the leg of Emre Can in the box against FC Rubin would have been a “soft penalty” will have resulted in Mauricio Pochettino putting a shoe through his telly if he hadn’t been preparing his Spurs team to face Anderlecht at the time.
Perhaps there’s something to be said for having just the one person on the mic. That’s how it used to be way back when, and for some of the more obscure games on BT Sport they still do it that way, and it’s actually quite nice. No forced “banter”, no passing judgement where it isn’t needed, just someone telling you what is happening and leaving you to make your own conclusions.
Let’s get back to commentary being a great accompaniment, and not a ‘show’ in itself.
When done well, football commentary can be the shine to a luxury car, the percussion to a great orchestra, or a cheese to a fine wine. Right now… for me, Clive… it’s more like a fart on a crowded train.
* We’ve been shortlisted for Podcast of the Year by the Football Supporters’ Federation. Please vote for us here! Don’t let Alan Davies win!*
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Pics: David Rawcliffe-Propaganda-Photo
…still often better than the commentary for US sports!
Don’t know what you’re talking about…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hMp65SzyTU
touché…
The commentators in American are bad but are usually offset by good analysts. Phil Simms and Barry Melrose are good examples. The problem with football is the simplicity of the game. Hard to waffle on for 90 mins, shite talk is inevitable. Money has had its affect on this aspect of the game too. The “controversial ” opinion makes the commentator/analyst more recognizable , celebrity grows, bigger contract and on and on. As standards lower so should our expectations.
Strange this but whenever I think of Tony Gubba, I don’t think of his commentating or his amusing ginger combover, I always think of him sat behind the goal at Wembley, rolling backwards in joy, celebrating a Manchester Utd goal.
Weird!!
Norman Whiteside’s in ’85. I seem to remember he’d predicted Utd to win ()back in the days when they were rubbish) and was very pleased with himself. Strange for a self confessed Liverpool fan…
Ray Hudson. Ruined watching Lionel Messi forever. Chewed in the mouth of Satan: Brutus, Cassius, Judas and Ray Hudson.
they should give a crowd noise only option on the tv
Couldn’t agree more! That would be so good.
Living in France, though, I have to say that the commentary provided by Canal+ is way better than post-Davies/post-Moore English commentary. It’s witty, analytical, interesting and passionate. Plus: they’re not afraid to call a spade a spade.
After the recent Manchester derby, David Ginola (not a commentator, but the presenter back in the Paris studio) said: “Well we’re sorry to have wasted your afternoon with that shit. Let’s hope the next match gives us more entertainment!” (They were showing another game later that day.)
English media will eat itself.
When I lived in Japan the SAP option for most Italian, Spanish, or English cup matches was crowd-noise only. Best way to watch football on TV.
The Canal+ coverage of the PL is fantastic and something as a family we all miss now we have moved back to the Lakes, to start with you have all the matches live on one chanel and so you get a 3 match bonanza sometimes on a saturday.
There are no adverts during YNWA, this is a biggi when you are at the cafe / bar, Canal+ love the whole pre match Anfield atmosphere and singing, they focus in on it every time and they dont talk over the singing until its finished, (sometimes the bar owners will turn up the volume for this) for them its a big thing and it does not matter how many matches they show from Anfield they always think it boss, they have complete and utter respect for it. This sets the game up very nicely.
The commentry is great because they dont speak constantly and they tend to highlight a positive and they dont hate players such as Suarez because of what he does or does not say. They do have a reverence for Arenal and Wenger but not to the same extent as the Man U love childs we have over here. David Ginola is at times very funny and sky and BT could learn so much from Canal+ football without the bantz
5 indisputable truths on sports commentary…
Every cricket commentator has been better at his job than any football commentator in history.
Every running/swimming commentator has somehow managed to be even worse than those who comment on football. They may as well be commentating on a game of Poohsticks. No technical analysis is offered at all. “X is lengthening his lead… Y is coming back at him now….”
Tennis commentary is actually superb. They don’t say anything until the point is over. That doesn’t prevent the sport from being unenjoyable to watch.
Horse racing commentators are superhuman. They seem to be aware of what every horse and jockey is doing in a 25-runner race. I can’t even work out what the horse I have backed is doing in the race or where it is. I can never appreciate how well the commentator is doing, as I will just be forlornly listening out for the name of my own horse and hoping that the commentator tells me it is making some kind of progress.
People slag off Trevor Francis, but he would be your ‘go to’ man if you were ever producing an Elizabethan docu-drama, with a cast made up entirely of ex-footballers and you needed someone to play Sir Francis Drake. We should indulge the Devonian a little, as we never know when we might need him.
Give the Lady in the Van a job.
Good article btw.. Townsend has ruined every World Cup for years.
My primary issue with the ‘modern’ commentator is that they spend so much of the game blabbering on about anything rather what is actually happening on the pitch in front of them.
The commentator is no longer a narrator in the story of the match, but a character themselves. So obsessed with the context of the league and the uncountable storylines that accompany top-flight european football. You’ll hear commentators fill air with numerous insignificant stats on such pedantic things and often repeat them over and over throughout a match.
Silence can be one of the most powerful and inspiring tools for commentators, yet it has become under utilised and forgotten.
Just talk about the game.
What is driving me crazy even more than poor commentary is the desire for the tv directors to decide that we need to see numerous replays of managers, players, crowd IN SLOW MOTION when there is clearly a football match in progress.
When I’m at a match, I might take a half second look at the crowd or player, but not spend seconds gazing longingly at the opposition manager while the ball is in play.
It’s as though directors have been given numerous gizmos and cameras to play with and believe they need to use them all.
Listening to Lalas on ESPN. I would rather chew a pint glass. Arrogant prick and no mark to boot. You would think he had been the American Beckenbaur.
Listen to football match commentary that’s more than 20 years old and what’s notable and refreshing is the S P A C E .
No need to fill every second with banal and obvious assumptions that echo the thoughts of the lowest common denominator, no need to remind watchers of pub quiz titbits and no need to pay heed to the off-pitch political/gossip narrative regarding managers and such, and no need at all to engage in the kind of banter you are forced to deploy when trapped in an enclosed space with a colleague who you dislike.
Just subtly saying the names of the players involved for people who can’t see the shirts clearly and a brief note of what they just did.
It was enough then, should still be enough now.
During the last world cup, Lawro was amazed that the dreadlocked American player (can’t remember his name) was a martial arts expert. “What?? The state of him” It was if there is not a single mirror in the whole of Preston…