I LIVE in rural Perthshire at the moment, in a two-horse hamlet with a little pub, and a bus stop, and not much else.
The little pub shows the football, so the other night, when Bournemouth came to Anfield, I nipped in for a couple of pints to watch the Liverpool game. Sat in their usual spot, with a decent view of the telly while playing dominoes (and nicely soused) were Margaret, aged 74, and Norman, aged 71, married some 47 years.
Now, modern social media has changed the world in recent times, but it’s fair to say that in rural Perthshire, and in the shape of Margaret and Norman, I found myself confronted with a different view of the world than the one I’d steadily become accustomed to over the last few years.
Norman says: “Oh, the Liverpool game’s on?”
With this, Jürgen Klopp’s face flashes onto the screen.
Margaret says: “I want them to win Norman. I quite like him. That Mourinho’s making an arse of it, but I do quite like him.”
Norman nods thoughtfully, and the dominoes resume.
Now – Margaret – in three sentences, she’s told the half dozen regulars in the little pub all they need to know. And now me – sat here at my laptop in rural Perthshire – I’m relaying that message to you. It’s all you need to know.
People want Liverpool to win. Do you feel it?
People quite like Liverpool’s new manager. Do you feel it?
People don’t like other managers quite as much as the new Liverpool manager. Do you feel… (you catch my drift, I’m guessing).
Now if Margaret gets it, why can’t you?
Don’t fucking fight it. Feel it. Be like Margaret the septuagenarian domino bandit – drink it in. Jürgen Klopp is bigger than Jesus.
Liverpool have just appointed a manager the rest of the footballing world (even the 74-year-old women who are barely conscious it exists) genuinely admires – loves even – to the extent that if things work, Liverpool will probably find themselves everyone’s second favourite team again.
That’s hanging in the air all around you of course, but here online, we’re all analysing tactics and furrowing brows and hipstering ourselves out of our nuts while we write off Divock Origi.
Jonathan Wilson – I’ve had the privilege of meeting him and he’s a lovely, lovely fella, and his work – my God there’s a fella whose work I admire. But the other day he wrote an article telling me – telling you, friends – that Jürgen Klopp is not the Messiah. Well, I’m here to tell you folks, Jonathan Wilson may be the Don of all things sensible in the world of football writing, but just this once, fuck all that off.
Fuck it all off and feel it. Embrace it. Testify!
Take your smartphones and throw them into the sea. Take your sardonic attitude and dry ironic tweeting style and fire them into the sun. Stop being inert, and stop being cynical. Just feel the fucking love, folks. It’s simple.
Jürgen will save us. Get on board for the big win.
(May Jürgen bless this reading, and to His name be glory and praise. Amen.)
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Pics: David Rawcliffe-Propaganda-Photo
Can I get an AAAAAAAmen!
I love the way you write Roy.
Absolutely love it to death. Had to google septuagenarian, what a fantastic word – so exciting, yet a meaning so banal I cracked a wry smile.
For now and forever the glory are yours.
Amen
Good work Roy. Let’s enjoy this!
The Klopp worship is a bit OTT, a bit cringey to be honest, but it is true that when the Reds win we all win. Even fans of rival clubs know this deep in their bones, deep in their souls. That’s why they continue to sing obsessively about Stevie at every opportunity and about Liverpool even when playing other clubs and when Liverpool is nowhere to be seen on the day. That’s why they troll Liverpool fans on Twitter, and comment on blog articles devoted to Liverpool, and call in to radio talk shows when the topic of the moment is Liverpool and nothing to do with their own club. They say they love their own club — and they do — but secretly they all wish they had a legitimate reason to be Liverpool fans and they know they never will. And now we have Jürgen Klopp and they don’t. The poor sods.
I doubted his motives initially because I don’t jump on bandwagons, but I was won over completely by his authenticity and pragmatism in his first press conference. I like stability and the long term. I really hope he is allowed to stay longer than the average manager in the PL. If he is, I think the tide will eventually turn for our beloved Club because WTRWWAW.
Brilliant, and spot on, Ellie.
I am a Believer.
Ah FFS Roy. Pissed meself ….ha..brilliant
“Now – Margaret – in three sentences, she’s told the half dozen regulars in the little pub all they need to know. And now me – sat here at my laptop in rural Perthshire – I’m relaying that message to you. It’s all you need to know.”
I love it.
Hi guys! I am German. Today my “Sun-Sucription” (I know!! I swear, I only had it to keep informed about Mesut Özil at Arsenal!!) informed me, that they wouldn’t want my money anymore in the future. Now I decided to use it for this beautiful website. Blame Kloppo…
Danke Anke.
Ich bin ein Dichter, und ich weiß es
Fantastic article!!! If you can’t get on board and dream the dream then fuck right off somewhere and find yourself a pulse… Up the Reds!!
We’ve not had this for longer than I care to remember, there is nothing wrong with taking the sensible approach to all this, so long as u do it with your cock or tits waving uncontrollably and nakedly in front of u as u go about your business. Jurgen’s the man, Jurgen’s the fucking man!
Ah Roy,great piece.Apart from all the “fucks”.
Is that how you imagine all Liverpool supporters speak Lah?
yes because no-one else in the world says fuck.
Great piece Roy as usual.
Serendipitous to read this right after the Chelsea match.
Brought tears to my eyes.
Fucking yes. This article all day long, every.single.day.
Amens.
RATHER PROPHETIC – He is the Messiah – Follow his gort!!!!
I am fully aboard the Klopp space shuttle. Just wish supporters would stop using him to contrast Rodgers, who apparently never enjoyed a goal and – get this – would rather park the bus on a lead.
The end of the Rodgers era was bitterly divisive and not a lot of fun with so much nastiness floating around. Let’s get together in our common adoration of Klopp, rather than picking at the scabs of the past months. YNWA
Not sure where in this article or comments section scabs are getting picked Walter?
Think most people have moved on.
The past has passed. The present is a present. Something like that. Amens.
Have some magic sprinkles. https://gifs.com/gif/yo3Oql
Brothers and Sisters, pump up the volume!
Lovely piece, Roy. If we are supposed to follow Liverpool with the acknowledgement of other clubs fans then its a fruitless exercise in redundancy. Nobody can tell us how we should feel and certainly not how we should dream. YNWA.