By Martin Fitzgerald
I’M SO BORED OF OTHER FOOTBALL TEAMS.
You wouldn’t believe how bored I am, watching them, trying to work out what they’re up to. What their game is. How what they will do will impact on us.
I’m so bored of other managers. I’m fed up trying to work out their motivations, what they’re up to, how what goes on in their head affects us.
The season is over next week. I’m not spending any more time on them, they can do what they want. All my efforts now go into Liverpool. I’m not bored of Liverpool. How could you be bored of Liverpool?
This is in our hands, we need to take control of the situation. That’s what we’ve been doing all season. We need to do the other thing we have been doing all season. Score. Score. Score. Score. There are 180 minutes left. We can score. We can always score.
The time for football as it usually is has gone, football was what we did when we needed to win games.
We don’t have time for football now. We only have time for goals. For all the goals.
Get the players together, sell them an idea. Show them they’ve scored 96 goals in the league already. Print out the table and f***ing show it to them. Sit them down, make them watch every goal.
Skrtel. Loving the goals.
They love goals. Make them love goals more. Drill goals into them. Sell them an idea.
And then don’t let them score in training. Take the goals away, starve them.
Send them out in that tunnel in South East London absolutely starving for their goals.
And then unleash them.
The first 10 minutes of that game needs to be the last 10 minutes of the most important game of their lives. That’s the idea.
Get an early goal. We’ve got loads of early goals all year. Brendan, show them the early goals.
And when you get that early goal you do this:
No one celebrates.
The team, the whole team runs into the back of their net and picks up the ball. They’re starving, they need more. They take the ball back to the centre circle and place it on the spot.
No one in the team takes up their positions. The whole team stands on the halfway line waiting for their kick off.
The halfway line is the deepest we get. Then go again. Score again. Do it all again. Stare them down again. Take them into places football never has to go.
And this is what we do for 180 minutes. Take them into places football never has to go.
No one’s ever done this. No one’s ever needed to. No one’s ever had to relentlessly score goals for three hours.
Suarez, Sturridge, Sterling, Gerrard, Coutinho, Allen, Johnson, Sakho, Skrtel and Flanagan.
Goals, Goals, Goals, Goals, Goals, Goals, Goals, Goals, Goals, Goals.
No one’s ever done this. No one’s ever needed to. No one’s ever been able to. We are.
Fantasy? Deluded?
It’s just a matter of how I choose to spend my time.
If you want to spend yours wondering what Fabian Delph or Stewart Downing are capable of then I guarantee you’re in a worse place than me.
Sell them an idea.
This. This is so on the nail. All I’ve had in my head – before yesterday and today, is score a shedload of goals. We have done Palace before, and Newkie. Let’s scare Citeh. Let’s win it with goals and make them implode by doing so. Come on the Pool!
Cmon boys!
It doesn’t matter if it shows up it’s not enough,
just give them the firework of the lifetime.
Just score as human possibly can in this game,
just blast thru the last two!
Reading this put an ‘ooh look, there’s Zooey Deschanel on the telly’ kinda tingle in me spuds.
I needed a 15 Goals. Liverpool you can do it. Under 90 min. U can.
Do you realise how cringeworthy this post is? I was linked to this page through another forum, because it’s really that embarrassing.
Some may say the very same thing about what you’ve written ‘Matt’. Football’s a laugh, la. Let the light in.
Well in that case if Matt thinks it’s cringeworthy and embarrassing I guess we’ll pack up and go home then.
Go back to your stats that are telling you Liverpool aren’t going to win the league. Everyone else will be having a great time supporting the Reds.
Embarrassing for who? I can’t imagine a Red who doesn’t have a beaming grin after this fantastic article. It’s exaggeration and hyperbole fit for this season, but more importantly, it puts the focus where it belongs: us. Carroll is probably going to score a goal in the last few minutes off a Downing floater (after Joe Cole got subbed at halftime) to share the points and guarantee us the title, but only because Man City are crapping themselves because we’ve blown away the goal difference.
Matt, if this is all it takes to embarrass you and make you cringe perhaps home is where you best be staying…
Suarez is going to score a quicker hat trick than Fowler just to get us up and running.
All of the goals. All of the time. Forever.
“The team, the whole team runs into the back of their net and picks up the ball. They’re starving, they need more. They take the ball back to the centre circle and place it on the spot.
No one in the team takes up their positions. The whole team stands on the halfway line waiting for their kick off”
Loved the last line of this, it would be hilarious to see! Imagine being Palace and seeing that!
That..that piece of writing right there has just amped me up for the last 180 minutes of football that we have to play. I’m Starving for goals. 9 – 0? Cake walk that because…
We are Liverpool tra la la la la, We are Liverpool tra la la la la la, We are Liverpool tra la la la la, we’re the best football team in the world, YES WE ARE!!
Ha ha, Matt.
Away and get a ride. You’re coiled, mate.
It’s going to happen. Because of goals not goal difference. Smack a few past Palace and City’s arses are gone. The perennial bottlers they are.
Suarez can’t score a faster hat trick than Fowler because I won’t be able to say “I was there” any more, but he can score two hats tricks. That’d do us. Come on red men. Let’s really show them, once and for all that we are the greatest football team in the land. (Don’t know about you lot but I’m shittin’ myself)
Love it. Let’s do this. I’ll have an 8-0 and a 6-0, thank you. That’ll do.
Because two 7-0’s would just be a bit boring, wouldn’t it…
Or maybe – just maybe – we’re saving ourselves for that 12-0 and just do the two today.
Watching the game in the Vernon on Dale St tonight – this is the best team talk before the match. Someone get Brendan to post it up on the dressing room at Selhurst Park
I cringed at your sneering comment Matt.
Numbers are temporary. Maths are permanent.
I’m glad you’re finally having a laugh with this season. Don’t have too much fun though Matt, otherwise you’ll be mistaken for ‘kopite behaviour’… As opposed to fuming because Martinez and Barkley are trying too hard.
Matt’s ‘HAHAHA’ comment I was replying to has gone there. My response looks a bit random if you want to delete it lads.