BACK TO SCHOOL, RING THE BELL

SO the Liverpool players were back at Melwood this morning, which immediately begs the question “What on earth were they doing yesterday?” Was it a teacher training day or something? Or maybe they had to push it back a day because the photographer couldn’t make it. But he was there today capturing the lads coming into training for the official website with the Warrior strap-line “RISE UP” rather subtly graffitied on a wall in the background. That was a stroke of luck wasn’t it?

Jesus, Martin Kelly looks massive! Walk around him boys. Someone on the YNWA forum says he looks like a new South American signing. That haircut is doing wonders for him. I would start him first game at centre half right now.

It’s good to see footballers can earn shed loads but still be a mixture of smart and scruffy, with the bags ranging from Louis Vuitton to JD Sports carrier bag. Glen Johnson looks like he has thrown all of his stuff in a bin bag. Jordan Henderson looks like he is unaware that such a concept of a large bag exists and is carrying everything he needs separately. Always putting a shift in.

Andre Wisdom has gone too far the other way and seems to be going away for a month, whilst Joe Allen has brought the biggest wash bag you have ever seen. Maybe his shower broke and he hasn’t cleaned all summer. Simon Mignolet has brought a suitcase! Is he sleeping in his car still? Can someone look into that?? Skrtel and Gerrard seem to have got it right though. Hopefully proving to FSG once and for all that there is no substitute for experience. It’s good to see Coutinho sharing a joke with the new lads as well. Possibly saying “HAVE YOU SEEN THE AWAY KIT YOU HAVE TO PLAY IN???!”

Kolo Toure beat the photographer in and so is missing from the catwalk shots. According to the official Twitter account @LFC:

“First player to arrive? Kolo Toure, looking very smart in a suit. Due to sign his contract later today #LFC“

No pics of the suit. Most disappointing. Not sure what they are playing at here. Instead we get some pictures of him later in a rather dreadful training top in a portfolio entitled “Kolo awkwardly leans on things”. They’ve got him leaning on everything they can find.

The photographer is obviously delighted with himself for discovering this shot, because he gets Aspas to do it as well. We also learn that Kolo is going to take number 4. A friend of mine is most disturbed that Alberto, an attacking midfielder, has chosen to take number 6, so Kolo taking a proper defender’s number should placate him.

But hang on – “due to sign his contract later today?”. Shouldn’t he have signed something already? Were we just hoping he would turn up today and sign? Because this is a man who last year had an affair by convincing a girl he was a Car Salesman called Francois, so I am not sure we should have gone on his word.

LFC Magazine writer @Simon_Hughes_ tweets:

“Kolo Toure seems a jovial chap. Challenged him to an arm wrestle and he obliged. I lost.”

So that is him and Kelly starting first game then. Unlucky Agger lad, but you are only as good as your last first day of training.

Elsewhere on the internet we haven’t signed anyone for ages and people are getting restless and journalists are getting hounded. @arturpetrosyan and @YaroLFC, who three days ago were everyone’s favourite Russian based journalists called Artur and Alexey for claiming that Henrikh Mkhitaryan will be signing for Liverpool “In the next 72 hours”, are now getting slated for saying it might be a bit more complicated after all, with @Anish_LFC4life tweeting:

“@YaroLFC sooo how’s mkhitaryan doin huh??medical booked??arrived..?? #fool“

That will teach them to put their neck on the line with information they believed. Maybe they will learn to keep it to themselves next time. Although as Tony Barrett found out through @CarinaAnders, that can be a dangerous game as well…

“nothing happens? are LFC still after him or not? it’s cruel on fans just to keep silence.”

Cruel! This was 10:42 at night and Barrett is being chastised because he hadn’t given any updates on a story he hadn’t claimed to know anything about. How is that return to Twitter looking Sachin Nakrani?

Maybe we should all calm down a bit and enjoy pictures of Kolo Toure leaning on things. Let’s save the meltdowns for later in the summer. At least until we can’t beat Preston away next Saturday….

Anne Watt