CONFIDENTIAL

People said be the voice of the man on the street. Arguably that’s an outdated concept. Who goes down streets these days? New concept: man on the retail park.

Has the past year been good/bad/satisfactory or otherwise for you, and why?

Yeah, I’ve enjoyed it Jonathan. Obviously we had the Euros which were arguably quite good, scored a hit on Podolski for not being really German, too few opportunities to make my Park Ji-Sung/labrador joke. Did Korea not pick him this time?

I’m so tired.

What do you consider to be your most important achievements of the past year?

Solid mid-table finish in ‘Lawro’s Premier League Predictions’, ahead of both Rizzle Kicks and Samuel L Jackson. Also beat arguably-British distance runner Mo Farah.

Lawro doth murder sleep.

What elements of your job do you find most difficult?

What would happen if you went in and everyone was just dead? Dead on the studio floor. Hansen, Shearer, the makeup girl. What would you do?

Arguably you’d need to do something but then in comes Colin Murray and the studio’s booked for MOTD3 and you don’t get chance to grieve, you know, cos there’s a video of Nani getting up after feigning injury and the voices make you say ‘there’s a surprise – NOT!’ and who will listen to me who will listen who will listen?

What elements of your job interest you the most, and least?

Would they have had swift deaths? I wonder if you could tell. It could’ve been gas or something. Could you do it with gas? Everyone you know is arguably a corpse in waiting, and there’s no denying that. It’s just a matter of time.

Tick

I like doing Football Focus.

Tock.

What sort of training/experiences would benefit you in the next year? Not just job-skills – also your natural strengths and personal passions you’d like to develop – you and your work can benefit from these.

Help me.

The appraisal interview was a difficult one. Mark seemed distracted throughout and made several references to the DFS sale and the smell of burning fingers. However, we were able to establish that Mark’s role is to represent on screen the concerns of the man who doesn’t really want to watch the game but finds it keeps catching his eye during the picture round of his local pub quiz.

Discuss and agree the skills, capabilities and experience required for competence in current role, and if appropriate, for readiness to progress to the next role or roles.

Mark’s football expertise is second to none and impressive even to this layman. He was able, unprompted, to name seven Premier League teams (Liverpool, Everton, Arsenal, the Hammers, the Red Devils, the Damned United, Wigan).

I can assure Mark that should, as he suggested in the interview, a number of senior roles on the football presenting team suddenly become vacant, he would very much be in the reckoning.

Discuss and agree the appraisee’s career direction options and wishes

Mark has put forward a number of interesting suggestions. However it was necessary to remind him of a number of BBC regulations which would be breached were his ideas to be implemented. (see editorial guidelines 2.5.13 – Nudity; 3.4.32 – Blasphemy; 4.7.69 – Carolgees)

Grade/recommendation/summary as applicable:

Keep up the good work Mark, see you in the canteen!